little miss murder.

when the time is ripe.

2010-02-05T16:14:00.006+08:00

shift? shifting. shifted. ask me for the link.

MLIA.

2010-02-05T13:57:00.005+08:00

Text from Poh Ah Kiong (13:28hrs) : " i never recieved your money, did you transfer to wrong account?

*scroll all the way down to bottom of message*

Kidding, recieved already, thanks. Not funny."

thats my instructor for you. please note that he spells "received" as "recieved" hiak hiak hiak.

hero of war.

2010-02-04T13:55:00.005+08:00

damn wordy post.

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dicks and cunts. i got a whopping close to perfect score (lol much?). even though i got an chinese pussy gay ass tester this very morning. he was impatient and deducted points as though they were free. but anyhow, i failed. not because of the mistakes i made, but due to the immediate failure, of a brown (gawd i hate brown so much right now) car, which cut into my lane, when i was filtering lanes. THANK YOU VERY MUCH ASSCLOWN. you cos me $200 and my license. if i could, i would stuff a potato into your exhaust pipe and pour water in your petrol tank. i was on a 2-way street, filtering from the left to right lane, and i was in the right of way because i'd made sure traffic was clear before proceeding to turn left from the stop line. but oh yea. this car decide to drive out from the side road and bypass my car, while travelling at idk what, the speed of light, and i failed to react in time, under estimated the distance between myself and a lorry, i went too damn close (yea as ah kiong always says, "why the driver very handsome huh, you want to get his number huh) and kwah kwah kwah i received an immediate failure. my tester, an old fart, with an ugly haircut, and weird eyes. was a pure pussy gay ass. because he sounded constantly exasperated at me, (probably his wife left him due to the bad haircut and weird eyes, or he hasnt gotten laid since 1969) even though i had no problems with my circuit. i cleared my parking (both), and directional change in one minute flat. the rest was just a piece of cake man. (seriously piece of cake) but the shitty part was when i was turning back into the goddamn circuit, that mother car just had to appear. and cause me my immediate failure just at the junction before the test center. yes i know i sound sour. which i am currently. because i was so close yet so far. now i have to wait 3 mother months. and the next time when i do the test again, there will be no poles for parking, i doubt i can clear my parking in 1 minute flat. i'm just pissed man. that its back to square one. how the heck you gonna park without poles? bollocks. when i go to mass this week, imma pray they dont remove the poles (yeaaaa right).

well. when ah kiong saw my test sheet, he smiled and said, "eh at least you cleared your circuit what". thats when i started to cry. he seemed almost proud of me, but i failed him. he chided me and said, "dont cry la" then he even gave me, get this, =.- tissues. i just felt so terrible. when he wished me "good luck", told him before i went into the waiting room, "its not about luck, its about skill". then he smiled and said, "yea skill. *nods and smiles* skill". well. kiong told me, his "friends" were guessing i'd probably gotten 48points. because they all saw which tester i got, and due to the fact that that particular tester was super anal, kiong said that tester always deduct till students get 40 over points. and coming to think of it, the tester was truly a pussy gay ass. cos my sequence was, Z course, S course, Slope, Parallel Parking, Change Of Direction and Vertical Parking. the PGA asked me to go to the dreaded Parallel Parking, the one right beside the slope, the one with uneven ground, the one which i dread like a whole freaking lot. Shitbag la. i bet he's the kind of anal ass who helps the driving center to earn more $$. seldom see testers choose that region. but thank God for the people using that horrible Parallel parking place :S anyway, when ah kiong saw my score. one-mother-eight. i guess that gave him a bit of pride that, proving that when he had been telling me these few times, "you can do it", i really could. he believed in me. thats precisely why i feel like shit. i failed. due to one stupid incident that i had no control over, i'm not too bothered by whichever tester i got, cause, hey man i could do it. but well i guess God let that car appear from the slip road for a reason. i mean, the road was clear, and hey, how the heck did that car appear? i just cant comprehend it, cos you know why? i'm not God.

idk, but i trust in the Lord, and His plans for me will come to pass in time to come. i'm terribly sad now, because, ah how mummy knows me best. when i got home and told her, all deflated and dejected that i failed, "ah i know you feel horrible cos you never fail anything, right? hahaha" yeah she really laughed hahaha at me. its quite true. i gave my best, but i failed. its hard for me to swallow failure, cos since young, i've been independent, making sure i work things out to minimize the percentage of failure, plus i always give myself high expectancies, so yeah. its just hard for a perfectionist like me to take failure when you've given your best. alas, no point thinking i couldve passed, cos fail is fail. sigh i was so sad, i actually forgot to pay ah kiong. lol. and the best thing today. kiong usually calls me "ZAN". but you know today, he said "come YZANNE, over here" HAHAHA he managed 2 syllables instead of 1. i love my instructor. he's the best. well, going on a couple of months haitus before resuming with him again. i must go and book my next text asap!

anyway i cut my nails short yesterday. maybe its due to my short stubby fingers that caused me to flunk =.- okay thats bull and we all know it.

Love, we should have gone for Big Night Out, it was a mindblowing kickass night. *looks at youtube videos* MUSE IS EPIC. and thanks for being there when i felt so alone and tiny, and telling me that i was strong and that you believed in me. i needed that. you're the jelly to my peanut butter. you provide the up to the downs. love you.

what do you want from me?

2010-02-01T17:13:00.003+08:00

wanted to go get tix to go see big night out. 161bucks to see 3 of my favourite bands. MUSE. SAOSIN. RISE AGAINST. but suay suay tickets sold out. i cant believe i'm letting this slip past. funny thing is, i've been listening to adam lambert =.- he's some good looking, good sounding gay shit. i hate the times when you're not with me. its like flipping the switch on and off. i think that only you could save my life. okay its gonna be 1900hours soon. cant fricking wait.

cyanide chips.

2010-02-01T17:00:00.001+08:00

i want this. i need to remind myself that i'm still alive.

i never knew that magic came in little yellow men with squarish heads.

would you still call me superman?

2010-01-30T01:34:00.004+08:00

i guess i should have had the balls to do that earlier. instead of allowing the doormat side of me show up. i read you like a book. i guess you were kind enough to try and hide it. either that or you've toned down on your sarcasm. which is good. i never meant anything else. we tried, but we just didnt know how to. its stupid to ask, "was there even love in the first place?"..is fire warm to the touch? haha. remember only the good, never the bad. i'll remember how you were always there. you in your yellow OP shirt. ah-ha. that day was magic. thinking of ways to make me smile when i was down, assuring me with so many things. keeping my cold hands warm, and always checking if i was doing okay. the dreams we shared, the food you brought me, the jokes we told. the walks we had, and so much more. but we've lost it. everything. maybe its too early. but its hard. to look without feeling the poison of hurt. i still care, if you're doing okay. school, and family. i wasnt the queen for 3years for nothing. thats why i'm truly concerned if you'd be okay. i'm sorry. i really am. because i did it. not you. the sadness feels worst than when optimus prime died. but i guess the courage is back with you. go, and be happy. i said, it would be the last. and it would really be. i chose this road, and there's no reverse on a one way street. thanks for loving me. you did it perfectly till the poison set in. i dont know where it came from but i guess we were too young to protect the fragile thing called "love" that we fell into.

goodbye Bee.

placed side by side so carelessly.

2010-01-28T13:01:00.009+08:00

okay yzanne will do work after this post. things have been up and down. work productivity has hit its all time low low low. i just hope i wake up fast enough to start pushing myself to the extreme limits. i have been sleeping for way too much. i am such a lazy ass sometimes. had banana and honey stars for breakfast today. that made me happy.

apparently, this is 年糕. never been exposed to such foods before. and i had it for the first time. HAHAHA laugh all you want, i know swaaa kuuu but i dont care! the 年糕 tasted nice despite the fact that it looked like tapeworms to me hahaha.

K gave me these a long long time ago. LAO HONG SEAWEED. lao hong to the point where the 3 pieces are all glued together. tastes terrible but i came up with a way of eating them, where they taste less sucky.

might as well eat them instead of waste them right?

hahahaha yaaa i know. i put them in the korean cup noodles and they tasted pretty darnn good to me :) better than eating the 3 gluey pieces really.

by now, you'd have realized these are mobile uploads. this was taken a way long time ago. my precious mac and beer whilst doing work. hahaha. beer really helps.

YEA BEEN STALKING MY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. tomorrow lesson at 7am. i think by far i am the earliest learner, among BK, Kwok, and Car. 7AM HELLOOO? I DONT THINK MY BRAIN IS EVEN ABLE TO PROCESS STUFF THAT EARLY. bound to get scolded by him X(

random photo taken with bestf ages ago.

mummy's cake. i know, disappointing photo qualities.

more cup noodle photos. hahaha! this was the cup noodles that Car brought back from TW. they had real piggy bits in them. tasted really good. yeah i know, i gotta stop eating so much junkfood.

Starbucks w ♥ . Green tea cream and Citron Mocha Frap and the butt ugly chicken dunno what puff.

honestly idk what this photo was supposed to mean. but my toenails match my black skinnies. haha! ♥ black.

okay this was by far the worst bus ride EVER. this sleepy old man was sitting beside me and leaned so far in that i was squashed upfront of the edge of the seat. hello look? he was already halfway on my seat. brrrr. bless the 2 guys who came up to tap tap tap the sleepy old man. they kept tapping till i was able to like slide out of the seat and get a change of seat.

ugh. hate traveling alone sometimes, especially when i meet weird people. but who's complaining? bah. i miss you, ipod ♥ .

okay off to do work. dunno why blogger decided to start doing underlining. xoxo.

fanboy!

2010-01-25T18:10:00.002+08:00

i saw this and i got super excited. i had to upload it. cant wait.

you're a star.

2010-01-22T12:44:00.007+08:00

heavy photo post. i was just flushing out my hard drive. and i found a whole lot of photos. i'm not even halfway through. but i picked out some of the much funnier ones. been such a while since we all had photos to look at havent we? hahaha. i'm falling sick. i hope not! because of the weather and the horrible fact that i have to stay up late daily to do work. i'm very much drowsy now because of the flu i'm having, i cant breathe through my nose at all. and i'm just very very tired. i dont wanna fall sick! because the weekend is here! jojo says that if i fall sick, chinese medicine would be my new best friend :S

love the polite cell.

ah beng days.

HAHAHAHA V NECK.

XL.

dragonball?

stupid things we do in class.

some abstract diamond shit i did for color and light.

bestfs!

brather and i :D

ice cream night!

IH and Dan.

besties in schooool.

you gotta love food.

carol-san.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

face cramp.

model bestf with the world's smallest camera screen.

i miss the bert and ernie days. do you?

the other day i was taking a cab to CG, the cab uncle was like asking me "am i malay or mixed?" i was like =.- and then just yesterday i was with ah kiong. its really good to see him smile. and laugh. even though he always laughs at me =.- i kept saying "bo ko leng bo ko leng ahhh" and the ah kiong was like "aiyohhh you speak hokkien like what like that uh". i looked at him and went "very good right!". then he broke out into hard laughter. like HAA HAA HAA. =.- where are my roots going! okay gotta head to school. love you all.

he ate my heart.

2010-01-18T15:48:00.008+08:00

Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all our memories they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

Even with our fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.

I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter,
Where we take this road someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder,
But I know that you'll find another.
That doesn't always make you want to cry.

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in,
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

I'm already gone, already gone,
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
I'm already gone, already gone,
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.

this is for you.

you made me cry. you really did. i felt my heart break and the next thing i knew, was i was in tears. i sat there silently. crying. i knew this was something i had to do, and go thru with because, its not helping either of us. i guess i should've handled it earlier, or maybe i could've handled it better. i'm sorry. i really am. its the last time. you were special, you know? you lopsided smile. always trying to make me smile. your soft lips, your cheeks and hugs. how you fit into me when we hug. when i hook my pinky into your pocket when we walk. your long slender fingers. and your warmth. you were like my personal drug. you were mine. someday you'll understand why i chose this road. we fought so hard to get here. and now, whats left are ashes. i'm sorry i hurt you. i never meant to. just know that anyhow. you're still special to me. 不再乎永久只再乎曾竟永有.

thank you for being there for me. and taking care of me when i was such a wreck.

with all the crying, drinking and more crying, then passing out.

in the silence of the night, all the tears and hurt come flooding back in.

i need to get a grip.

tipsy.

2010-01-18T12:39:00.004+08:00

"you made me smile. thats how magical you are."

bad romance.

2010-01-17T00:21:00.003+08:00

mummy's birthday tomorrow. black forest cake compliments of jojo :) i bought mummy some alcohol chocolates. i couldnt really think of what to get mummy, so i just thought of chocolates. cos she has been eating chocolate like nobody's business. i have been trying to be less negative. its been tough. ipod died. like really died. all my music shows and etc all gone. i was so sad when i went back to the service center and they pronounced it as dead. then my camera. i think i really suck sometimes. i got caught in the rain and the whole camera kinda got bleu lines and fizzled out. sighzxz. so i have been taking photos via cellphone. and just the other day, due to my night blindness, i banged into a metal pillar, i dropped my phone and a chunk came out of the side. loser much? lastly. ultimate. i messed up my Critique 3. i really did. first time i messed up something in my fyp. idk whats happening to me.

i need away.

dont stop. make it pop.

2010-01-16T12:28:00.000+08:00

everything happens for a reason. you understand that right? the memories are beautiful. but. we just reached the point where we just cant fix things. it killed me. to think pray hope and then decide. but if we were meant to be, we will be. right? you've always been special. just know that.

giving me new life.

2010-01-11T09:16:00.004+08:00

song post. i cant get this song out of my system. i listen to it on my ipod, before bed, its my alarm ringtone, i wake up listening to it. i travel listening to it. i sit quietly listening to this. Chester never fails to produce magic. this song is so beautiful, it makes my heart ache so much. knowing. just knowing. i really need to block everything out. focus. i dont/cant/wont feel fear. this near to Crit 3. i know its something i have to do. i'm behind time. and my mind. its just not. focusing. and i'm starting to get very pissed off at myself. one thing at a time okay? i know now. its time for me to focus. and do work. c'mon zan, you've never been so foolish. work is something i never play with. time to seek God and then do work. you gotta do this. you can do this. go go power rangers go!

this song is just magic. its not just hard rock anymore. its so beautiful.

"Give me a smile
Give me your name girl
Give me a sign to get my way
And get what I came for
Because you don't come easy

Give me your hand
Come walk with me girl
Nothing's that far when your near
So come even closer to me
Something so easy to do

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

Give me a smile
Give me your name girl
Let them know that you're mine
And I'll do the same for you
Because our love comes easy

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

With a smile into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper giving me new life

You are my whole life
You are my whole life"

how to

2010-01-11T00:51:00.002+08:00

give me a smile. give me your name. cos you dont come easy.

legodomo.

2010-01-10T01:28:00.010+08:00

look familiar?

havent put this on for 4 years.feels fricking awesome to do so.

harow. i feel chippy and fuzzy. though i know that there is a possibility that i might get scolded tomorrow. er. idk. the night was fricking cold tho. the wind kept blowing and blowing. made me feel so sleepy. but my jacket kept me warm. yippee. love my new jacket. idk what is it with girls and septum piercings these days, but there was this fat chick with a septum piercing, staring at me like,"hell yeah i've got a piece of metal in my mouth, i'm SEXY." wellllllllll. not that the piercing is gonna add to her sexiness, but guess what? i have my septum done too, and i dont flaunt it like its the greatest thing that God created. you know what is? MACINTOSH. so grow up kiddo.

let there be silver lining.

2010-01-08T22:29:00.002+08:00

星期六还得被师父骂也太悲惨了吧。

baddest thing around town.

2010-01-07T17:14:00.005+08:00

today i will bore you with the boring day i had/am having. somedays i wake at 4am, somedays i wake at 1pm. today i did both. i have been working so much, i think my brains is on auto-pilot work mode. but i enjoy working alot. i think i would have whined about this before, i hate it when my mac lags. sucks like mad. thats why i think i take twice as long to complete what i have to do sometimes.

i am exactly 1 week away (maybe less) from Crit3. funny thing is i dont feel the least bit nervous. am i supposed to? it feels like the O levels all over again. i'm actually anticipating it instead.

i dont know. if i used to work at 100%, you've given me a motivation to work at 200%. work hard, play hard right? hahaha. i cant wait, really. i hope they do not extend FYP, so that it'll eat into CNY. nooooooo way man. its a sin to work during holidays.

*post ends abruptly*

cupid got you with his bow yet, baby?

2010-01-06T15:16:00.003+08:00

twister fries. major loves. i know i have been AWOL for quite abit. but deadlines tomorrow and hello final crit next thurs. i have been doing so much work, i think i'm boggled eye. one thing is, i dont mind doing work work work. but my poor baby is lagging like mad. age is catching up on you. but dont die on me now okay? promise to buy you a brand new case and keyboard keys after fyp. only USD$100. okay back to work. dsfnsdlcndsbsdqwfjlq!

today, cant live for tomorrow.

2010-01-02T15:08:00.005+08:00

happy new year boys and girls. i meant to log in an entry earlier, but i got distracted and you figure out the rest. well well well. i had an awesome first day of new year. and you, put a smile on my face, even up till this moment. i got to spend lucky day one of the new year with my driving instructor. and yay. he didnt hold back on the scolding. i went into the circuit. and durrrr get scolding lor. i mean its just the parking. he kept asking why do i have to do it so quickly blah blah blah blah then when i did it slowwwly, the stupid car ended up getting parked slanted =.= and idk la. used to think i'm an okay driver. but kfkdmxjfn!!! ah WTV LA. i dont believe i cant frigging do this. i know i can. seriously. its just driving.

went to visit sabrina, sao liang and kayden. kayden is sho kewt. cant believe sabrina has like a kid now. she was telling me. she was on the street after work and there was this old uncle, who went "tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk" at her, cos obviously she was pregnant. sabrina was so annoyed, cos she was like, "what, cant people have kids at a young age?" and went on to say "if my husband was with me, sure beat him up one what". well yeah i think he would. beat until the uncle tsk tsk tsk himself for being such an idiot.

but thank you for the unexpected. i just dunno what to say. i love warm cider. feels like you're drinking e33 cider, hot. and each time feels better than the last.

playing rock band. zomg. rock band has the best songs ever. the best combination ever, lego rock band. HAHAHA. dammit i just cant stop smiling. and i cant explain itttttttttttt. but who's complaining right? hahaha

you know, just when you feel like you're getting purged of the poison, you realize, you're having a fricking relapse.

"eh you know the army kind of jeep, can only go at 50km/h max la"

"eeyer no wonder everytime i drive behind those kind jeeps they go so slow"

"cos they actually have this meter thing, if you go too fast, then the thing will beep. and the meter will count how many times you go over the speed limit(50km/h), then when you hit like close to 9 or ten counts.."

"i know! the jeep will give the driver an electric shock!?"

=_=..

and it ends in hysterical laughter.

efficiency.

2009-12-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

last post. last day of the year. yay. i am free!!

actions have words.

2009-12-31T00:12:00.002+08:00

X12. thats how much more you mean to me i guess. i gotta really x the damn page.

$$ pls grow on trees.

2009-12-31T00:09:00.005+08:00

i am *%^&#&$#@&!! broke. before and after of it, still broke. when will i break out of it and have an exceeding abundant supply of $$?

"damn broke can"

"sell backside"

"go die!!.."

and it just ends in hysterical laughter.

kinda busy.

2009-12-31T00:03:00.002+08:00

dammit. yours look better than mine. *&^%$#@$% well. thats the beauty of giving. even if yours look like shit, deal with it. and the only part i could find, and order online, is only available in Hong Kong. so you know what? zan, deal with the shit looking thing. okay okay. this marks the start of the black lines being drawn.

clean slate.

2009-12-31T00:01:00.001+08:00

days of not buying shoes, make up, snacks, clothes and such all boiled down to this. this very bit. i am no longer in debt.

throw your head back.

2009-12-30T22:12:00.004+08:00

brandon flowers is really awesome :D the killers in SG next month, anybody? i just downloaded muse, the killers, dead by sunrise, and rage against the machines. freaking solid man. hahaha. okay isa and lyly broke up. kua kua kua. you dont have to be psychic to see that one coming. isa is pretty rich now, so girls get yourselves ready, the man is back in the game. he's getting a car soon, and spends like hundreds a night when he goes out. (thats what he's been telling me) so gold-diggers, show your claws. dig deep into the man. but he smokes like a train. so be prepared for passive smoking. ah i'm not doing so good myself either. idk where are we going really. neither of us seems to care anymore. so i guess, there are no brakes left. boys love girls who are low maintenance and low costing.

for reasons unknown.

2009-12-29T13:20:00.002+08:00

Well my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to/And my eyes, they don't see you no more/And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to/And my eyes don't recognize you no more/For reasons unknown/For reasons unknown.

use somebody.

2009-12-28T01:47:00.006+08:00

hello. xmas has gone, new year is round the corner. fantastic huh? well. lets have a huge ass update. its back to school like 2mw. pfft. sucks la. cos i dont think i made use of the holidays well enough. i only did like minimal sketches. so i can like go and bang wall now. ahhh time to buck up. well xmas was great. bestie came for xmas! super happy. i mean, in a way, i guess he came on the account of our friendship. he even didnt bring his wife along. he heard the gospel, and got his questions answered. and basically know what i do in church.

bff! (damn gay) i look like pete wentz here. lol.

well i'm just gonna bore you with some random pictures (too lazy to edit) i took while at the pitstop cafe. i got so bored cos the rest were so interested in this guns and cash game which is like stupidzxzxz or maybe i was just too brain dead to try and process the steps.

its like you have to shoot, run, make some phone calls and stuff. really complicated and uninteresting. beats the purpose of a fun game, of just playing and have fun. games that require too much thinking, suck! hahahah.

i love my camera. thank you bayb! :DD

yeah they use cute pitchers as cups. i think that is just adorable cos its rarely seen. but the tables were a bright orange, which contrasted with the coasters.

this ridiculously loud game which was fun. well. i wish i had stronger health sometimes. without all the aching, pains and symptoms. it sucks alot sometimes. but what can i do but trust in the Lord? haha i need to have faith. well as for SOT2010. by faith, by faith.

you're constantly on my mind, and in my heart. whether or not i'm doing okay or not. in pain or doing fine. so if you believe, have faith we'll make it thru any rain.

calling pink magenta is wrong.

2009-12-27T03:33:00.006+08:00

*edit.

hmmms merry xmas everyone! been so busy. and everything has just been so crazy. firstly i wanna proudly say that this day i've earned the badge of illegal driving. hahaha. drove from XL's place to my place on BK's car. the clutch is so loose its scary. but i think i did a good job. nobody died, carol, Bk and i are still alive and the car is still in one piece. *edit. this post ends abruptly.

gurgitation.

2009-12-24T03:25:00.003+08:00

pissed about this article by asiaone, or is it new paper? why they insult our Queen :(( okay i sound ridiculous here. but i'm sick of hearing people slander our Queen. i love her, cos she's really. amazing. who can do the things she does, giving and loving? but i'm not obsessed with her. i remembered a sermon Pastor Tan preached. when you start doing great things for God, people will start to hate you. well. i guess God will never give Sun anything she cant handle. fyi that picture isnt even Sun, its Kelly. urgh. so annoyed with people sometimes. on the other hand, ordered colored lens! woooo happy. okay i'm calling it day.

floor the brake.

2009-12-24T02:01:00.003+08:00

seriously. time to put my foot down. it isnt possible. and it isnt true. stop.

chippy.

2009-12-23T03:04:00.000+08:00

i couldnt resist.

quiet drive.

2009-12-22T15:46:00.003+08:00

okay i'm so bloody happy. L4D2 IN 2 FRICKING HOURS WOOOOOOHOOOO~!!!.. okay damn geeky i know but WTV. imma aim to crown a witch today and honk clownface's nose. hahahah. H.pot texted me and was like. "hey bee, have trng at colo at 6pm, wanna join?" i was like HELLL YEAAAAH. omg omg omg omg L4D2 in 2 hours. and shit la havent done any proper work. i only drew like 6 sketches in 2 days? i need to kill the holiday mood and focus really. but after L4D2 HAHAHAHAH!!..but i'm super pok kai ah! sian wey. i was procrastinating the whole day of doing sketches, and shitxzxzx the moment i got a ticket to go play. can throw all work out of the window. today has been so geeky, have been rewatching big bang theory.

i.i.i. have pink and black nails. and i want an AK-47 later HAHAH. sigh how to go SOT like this? bleah play play play. never doubted val's words before. and now, XL too? mehhhh. aiya. i'm just a regular girl worhs. lets not kill the mood okay? L4D2 in an hour and a half! yay.

KATANA!!.. i miss you, and your sparkling eyes.

>post ends abruptly<

out of body and out of mind.

2009-12-22T02:56:00.005+08:00

i'm getting so lost, that i think i'm losing the ability to think soundly. things are definitely different now. sitting in comfortable silence. you've made me cultivate that knowing smile. looking at you. laughing. smiling. seeing your eyes flash with slight indignant. then turning to bemusement. the ever-present slight furls at the corners of your mouth. can i think it? how is it that you're so calm? are you fearful? one should never be fearful, but fearless. thats why i've gotta draw these tight little lines and stop.

sunday hangover.

2009-12-21T15:22:00.002+08:00

what can i say? i have no mood to do work. boo. working thru xmas should be written as a sin.

that boy is a monster.

2009-12-20T06:32:00.003+08:00

shawty. now i can feel tickles on my shoulder blades. i woke up with vibrations on my pillow. you cant imagine how happy it made me. idk was it disbelief, or magic? but it made me grin like a fool. how could something so simple make me so happy? i almost wanted to burst. it made me :) for the whole day. you just manage, idk how you do it, you just do. i cant believe it seems so natural now. sitting down with you, and just talking. words just flow out. and time passes so quickly. what is it really? thank you for breakfast mummy.

alone and free.

2009-12-19T04:00:00.007+08:00

that is the potato salad i made. zanyde never scrimps on the ingredients. the tomatoes didnt seem so sexy, thats why i added corn in this time. the corn is sho sweet. the fricking tray is so heavy i had a bit of a hard time carrying it into the fridge. my bad back is acting up. maybe i've been sitting prostrate for way too long. i'm too tired to change my nail color, which is why my nails are still the same old shade of charcoal black. and i'm having a toothache! i knew this was gonna happen to me sooner or later. cos i keep skipping the appointment with my dentist. lols.

i guess it works only as a one way channel with you. when you game, i am nobody to you. and it sucks to learn independence this way. when i wanna game, and you dont wanna, you chase me away. i thought that we were a team. but i guess, same same, but different. i'm finding myself again. which somehow makes me happy, and glad the way things are now. alone and free.

anyway, i'm a proud completer of L4D2. i completed all the maps. but i cant play the special ones cos i hafta download them which is like kdkfbkldcsdnmjhg. there are like so many unreleased maps for L4D2. hmmms well, i've got it all figured out now. so i guess imma play it somewhat competitively now? lol. wouldnt wanna let all the badges i win on L4D2 go to waste right? by far. the best group i've played in by far. the katana clan. all 4 of us had katanas. we slashed our way thru the "Hard Rain" campaign. phwoar. imagine, all 4 players had katanas. thats why i guess we managed to complete the campaign without any deaths. but there were 2 really good players, "Hard Rain" as the name, basically mostly thru the campaign there was flood and heavy rain making it hard to see. and due to the fact we played realism and on normal difficulty. the 2 better players had to keep telling us to stay together. lol.

my personal favourite maps are "the mall" and "the dark carnival" cos i managed to watch my own ass, and score the highest. i hated "the parish". cos the bloody tank flung me off the bridge. anyway now i know why most gaming centers have mics on their headphones.

self explanatory, even tho some people abuse their mics. personally i hate the live chat function, cos i get distracted when i hear other people's voice sound over the console. i know, srsly annoyingly distracting.

*extract:

xPLayer01x

xxPlayer2xx

xxPlayer3xx

traffic.

2009-12-18T13:38:00.004+08:00

okay i had to finish some sketches. cant be all play and no work right? (trick to reduce the guilt of playing too much). anyway. current loves. LBP and L4D2. i forgot how addicting L4D2 could be, especially if you play in a team.

i havent been using my camera much. but i have been ridiculously obsessed enough to find :

this was the fat man whom Valve modeled Coach after. Freak ass funny la. must watch the video. LOL.

okay super geeky i know. but just the other day i was gaming with mr meowsie and bonkins, and they were like:

Mr Meowsie: look at the black man!

bonkins: he's got tom hanks eyes.

Mr Meowsie: Black Tom Hanks!

bonkins: look at his nose, how big can it get?

hahahaha.

so yeah. i went to do a wee bit of research.

So there's more.

honestly. i feel abit pissed why there isnt an Asian character. model a character after me.it'd be so awesome to play L4D2 as yourself. HAHAHA. anyway Coach really looks like the character himself. SHO KEWT. i am still in love with my katana. seriously. slice and dice zombies into teeny tiny pieces! haha. and i'm still looking for meowsie and bonkins. i wanna form my own team. LOLS.

fdjnaskdjfls i am a zombie. cant wait for nightfall. :DD

pfft.

2009-12-18T13:26:00.001+08:00

shux. moment i turn on my com i get distracted. brb.

Dan., queen of noobs.

2009-12-17T00:40:00.007+08:00

finally met up with B tdy. but we didnt even hang out much tgt. we went colosseum, he blackshot, i L4d2 for 3 solid hours. freak ass nice. screw you all playas who look down on the female race thinking they cant game. go rape yourselves man! i can game. i ish in lub with my katana. that slices and dices zombies into bite size pieces. met nice and retarded people today. and the verdict of the day, i think australians are way nicer than singaporeans. Dan. was my screen name for the day. realized that you're more well received in lobbies if you are a guy, hence the manly screen name, got kicked out of a lobby for being a girl. like WTF!? i hate sexism because i believe girls are as capable as guys, maybe even better. but yeah changed my name from zanyde to android to Dan., went back into the same lobby and thrashed the guys who kicked me out, upside down. i used to think i'm damn noobish. but i guess there are people out there who are even more noobish than i are. HA. (english for this post damn ah bengish oh WTV) i proved myself. and seriously. all that time hanging out with people who game has paid off. yay. i dont think i'm that bad a gamer, for a girl. anyway i didnt scream like a bimbo, nor did my health deplete at the speed of light AND i saved ass. i led the escape. okay i know peanuts. but aiya, the girls that i played with today. anal man. so i kept sieving thru lobbies to find better players. (I GUESS I UNDERSTOOD HERE WHY GUYS DONT LIKE TO PLAY WITH FEMALE GAMERS LOLS) but i was independent today. didnt need any saving, except for the one time i fell off the window ledge :P desktop desktop desktop. anyway today is one of the days i hate my baby mac. for its lousy graphics card, and single intel. i dint install any parallel stuff. anyway even if i tried to game, my mac cant support. zzz i'd probably be on the ground even before my mouse reacts to hit the zombies with my melee weapon. okay sound gdamn geeky. WTV. aiya watch out people, MEANDMYKATANA, gna slash you all to bits. i love the way you fit into my hands, you pretty as hell katana. haha! i miss you dearly.

pictionary man.

2009-12-16T12:18:00.001+08:00

i feel like i'm reading the manual in a foreign language. past experiences all boil down to nought. sigh. i need a compass quick. it was all probably a dream, all in the head.

nothing left to say.

2009-12-16T11:53:00.006+08:00

saturday. sunday. monday. but i'm just lost now. kdfjdlsjfhewudnoascsxwauoxjn you're a worser drug than lady gaga.

caught the xmas bug.

2009-12-15T00:28:00.004+08:00

i just want you for my own.

more than you could ever know.

make my wish come true.

all i want for xmas, is, you.

reckless abandon.

2009-12-14T01:08:00.003+08:00

shitadellicashit. coke light with salt. latest addiction. yes. no. yes. no. yes. no. yes. no. yes. couldnt say no. vanilla iced, chocolate flavoured, diamond studded, play-dough, maccas. MLIG.

not you too.

2009-12-13T22:57:00.004+08:00

the ice is melting into a diamond. its like saying, trust in the Lord, God has a reason for every single thing. i will be obedient, seek Your face and listen to Your voice. beeeeggest xmas want ever. biggest gift ever. gets me all tingly thinking about it. haha. silly silly silly. thank you for sewing the seams back tonight. priceless.

bad romance.

2009-12-13T21:54:00.005+08:00

the fame monster deluxe edition, that lady gaga wrote, is like a drug. the songs. are so beautiful. in a deep dark way. i think i need to go on a lady gaga fast. really. even though i think it'll kill me. she's like a beautiful piece of literature i want to understand. i've been listening to them almost every waking moment i can.

Bad Romance: Fear of love, specifically loving someone so much you not only tolerate all the bad stuff, but you crave it.

Alejandro: Fear of sex, and Gaga letting go of all her past lovers.

Monster: Fear of the realization that she might not be able to have a safe, secure relationship with a good guy for her need of an aggressive, philandering, dangerous guy with a huge cock ("I've never see one like that before . . .")

So Happy I Could Die: Fear of alcohol and its consequences; also, fear of pride/loving ones self so much. (Don't worry about anything, just drink and masturbate and it'll be ok).

Speechless: Fear of death, specifically that of a loved one (she did write the song for her Daddy afterall, who was going through heart problems before Gaga finally convinced him to go through with the surgery). In particular, it's about a loved one who thinks he/she is invincible and who don't realize the affect his/her death might have on others.

Dance in the Dark: Fear of fame (though Gaga might dispute the idea that this album has anything to do with fame). More specifically, what affect the public eye has on the insecurities of someone (corruption, self-esteem, suicide, murder). Fear of being watched, or just wanting to have some privacy.

Telephone: Fear of commitment; just wanting to have fun and be free/sleep around--the dance is her freedom, but this freedom is always under attack.

Teeth: Superficially about oral sex; really, it's also about fear of the truth, and wanting to confront this truth no matter how harsh it might be.

it hurts like mad. like really mad crazy mad. that i think the seams of my heart popped.i couldnt breathe and i died inside. i'm foolish for believing in fairy tale stories. but plastic smiles are easy. give you all that is good. and cover all that is ugly. getting lost is indeed the only way out. its immediately rainbows after the rain for you. whilst i need to swim out myself. so many questions. who has the right answers? but God.

Je veux ton amour et Je veux ta revanche. you and me. could write a bad romance.

gimme a lady gaga this xmas.

VERY.

2009-12-13T13:13:00.003+08:00

okay not gonna wash hair. Pastor Kong laid hands! haha kidding. rare, and really good. hmmms caused me to think much much more. about alot of issues. We need to be dreamers. i can dream all day long about you. gimme a strategy oh God! Sundays. impactful and blessed. TYJC. its like the puzzle pieces are finally fitting in.

cactus needs negligence.

2009-12-11T22:18:00.003+08:00

i'm that bored. that its all words. i should have! so gna delete these posts tomorrow. kbye.

bored to rock.

2009-12-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

sianzibua. i feel like L4D2. anybody? screw motion sickness. imma hack into melayu's desktop. i promise.

how did you know

2009-12-11T21:45:00.006+08:00

we're letting many things go. like just the simplicity of how your lips feel on mine. just going out and having fun. your barley cheeks. my scent on your pillow. folding straws. drawing on hands and scribbles. when we were at the beach that night playing puzzle bobble, trying to beat each others high scores. how it felt when we really went out on properprettyprim dates. we're allowing the everydayaffair to take effect. that we're just expecting. and goingforgranted. where is the excitement? are we going out cos of the euphoria of luv or because its just a written in timetable alr? sigh. i remember the question you asked. idk. idk the answer. I NEED A JOB. i'm getting lost.

choy!

2009-12-11T19:08:00.001+08:00

okay there's something wrong with my mac's usb ports. oh no. my poor baby is gonna die :((

alejandro.

2009-12-11T02:51:00.004+08:00

meant to blog about something else. but i'm so sleepy now after doing the flyer. zomg. 3 is the magic number. the flyer nice not? look, even got n280 watermark. lol. its supposed to be a 3fold flyer. not the best i've done. but i think the graphics are soooo kewt. especially the kid. stole the stock pic of someone's collection. its a photo of her kid, 2 years old. kekeke. okay gotta go sleep. vroom vroom in 5 hours. cant wait! and i realized each time i go gaming, dad will happen to text me and check in with me. its happened a few times that when i game, i half expect dad to text. brrr. is it a sign? weird. L4D2 tonight was good btw. MEANDMYM14, kudos to you for saving our asses. i need to read up on how to fix motion sickness. sucks ttm. hahahah. okay i think i need to leave my mobile aside when i game in future. distracting. maybe dad had a feeling i got my head blown off HAHAHAHAHAHA. mmrlkdmjklisdms i am a zombieeee okay tired. bai bai!

I know that we are young.
And I know you may love me.
But I just can't be with you like this anymore.
Alejandro.

break!

2009-12-11T01:57:00.002+08:00

okay meant to blog about something but wait. brb. gotta fin the flyer thingy for valo asap.

less is more.

2009-12-08T11:52:00.000+08:00

okay maybe crit2 wasnt as bad as i expected. less is really more. booyah!!! TYJC! :DD all the sleep time traded for work time was SOOO worth it. even though my eye bags are like damn big now :'( my body clock is messed up too. time to drink and make merry! HAHAHAHA before i go.

hahaha i saw this and i was like damn fascinated can? dead chicken head! mummy was like "you never see dead chicken head before meh?" =.= actually, i've never seen a dead chicken head up close. look! can see the pores on the skin. black pupils beneath the tissue like eyelids, and the chicken has no ears! just holes with hair sticking out. HAHAHA funny. okay yzanne needs a rest. as said by allan. i kept claiming the ground was moving, when it actually wasnt. OH WTV~ haha okay bai bai!

i am. am i?

2009-12-06T02:06:00.002+08:00

its scary realizing this is the way i actually am. am i? or am i just allowing things to happen this way? shit. i'm running out of time. 40% on the line. 3 hours, meant for proper work, down the drain. you should be spanked.

oopsy daisy.

2009-12-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

fricking awesome song! if you listen to the song without looking at the video, i'd think they sound english. like the lily allen sort. fricking good song. wonder if your loved one would walk out on you for your mistakes? hahaha. oopsy daisy i hurt you again, crushed your heart in the palm of my hands.

just had herbal jelly for dinner-supper. to add to that, "you're just like xmas come early" sweet ^^ gotta get back to doing work. sucks to the max really. i'm really sleepy. sigh. okay bai! back to workopiaaa.

i just wanna make you smile.

2009-12-05T00:39:00.004+08:00

happened to run into aunt molly at CP today. when i was with Luv at the bus stop. SHE COULDNT RECOGNIZE ME. i was smiling at her and she had this, "WHY THIS GIRL SMILING AT ME" expression. just thinking about it makes me wanna laugh. i shouldve have played with the situation longerrr. i saw aunt ivy, sarah and sophia in the end. omg everyone changed so much! sarah so cute! haha no photos cos we didnt stay long. next time next time! everyone kept saying i changed alot. and Luv said my mouth smelt like nicotine. like i had been smoking *dirty look at Luv* well your hair smelt like marlboros. wonderful smell trapping ability your hair has dearie. HA. i cant stop tickling Luv with my hair when he falls asleep on the bus! and he has it sorta figured out. he got suspicious, cos each time, the side of him that i'm sitting at, that side of his face will itch. hair grow longer faster! so can tickle the other side. hahaha! cute is you. very very tired. gonna take a break from work today. bai bai!

SIANZIBUA.

2009-12-04T02:41:00.007+08:00

i just realized that i can only post pictures, lay them side by side only if they're small scale, due to the fact that my column is so small =.= really really really really sian. from doing work. esp when my baby is lagging like nobody's business. 妈鸡白.(HAHAHA i think this is damn funny) aiyah i am damn sian from doing work.

okay back to workopia.

i aint givin' up on love.

2009-12-03T00:44:00.003+08:00

out food buddying again. this time we went chompchomp. wasnt as packed as weekends. but it was still smoky as hell. saw familiar faces again. but it just isnt the same cos the feeling sucks when some people try too hard to fit in. didnt take any shots of what we ate. but the shellfish, humphs, sucked balls. very very disappointing. but yayness. photos available for blogggg :D

food photography. well at least this one's easy on the eyes. B gave me a lollipop. which i'd been carrying around for ages. i couldnt bear to eat it. cos its so pretty. i remember as a kid, this was my favourite kind of lollies. cos of the bright colors and spiral shape.

i was playing with it before i sucked it (HA sounds wrong) the colors are so pretty! B was surprised i still had it after such a long time. i just couldnt bear to unwrap and eat the colorful goodness you know? i know kiddy but ya. i treasure the good stuff.

obviously i cant get enough of the bright colored spiral lolly. i took a whole lot more shots but is it boring you yet? HAHA who wouldnt love this?

one last one. food photography. havent done that in a while. awww looking at it makes me feel happy. HAHA.

i had to upload this. trying to lick it while my back was turned. HEY YOU GAVE IT TO ME OKAY! HA.

the lolly is all mine.

okay but what good is it without sharing? broke some off for B. we dubbed this shot the "obama shot" hahaha B looks really high here.

i am dead sian by work. i wish i wish i wish. no point wishing. work with the end in mind. good source of mind consummation. okay so bai bai! back to workopiaaaa. SIANZIBUA.

facading mabok.

2009-12-02T02:45:00.003+08:00

very very demoralizing day today. had keith tell me i'm back to square 1 with work. can you say bummer? bummerrrr. "tried so hard, and got so far, in the end it doesnt even matter". keith was trying to put it in a nice way but yeah i get it. how do you put, "your work sucks" in a courteous way? geez. anyway. yeah. i'm back to square 1. when i'm so close to critique 2. you know how shitting in your pants feel like? yeah i'm feeling that 3 times as much now. i should've just done some aesthetic arty farty book la. do what shit packaging? screwed myself yet once again. i can hide behind the levity, but in my brain. i keep thinking. what makes a good packaging? how the heck to i solve this? ah its 8th week already. 8th week. i'm supposed to be doing work. but here am i, blogging. all i wanna do is drop dead. you know? drop dead. yzanne lim just wants to effing drop freak assss dead. right here right now.

i wish that i was rather mabok now. i really wanna get my work done. but i'm getting nothing. i'm effing frightened i'd mess this last lap upside down. i dont wanna repeat one damn year. i dont wanna live an average life. i dont wanna give up and fail. i dont wanna. what the heck am i whining about? grow some balls biatch.

but whats the point of just thinking? gotta put it into action man. where the eff is the conviction i had for doing design? seriously, did that even exist?

random buck tooth shot. didnt upload any other photos for the worry of B coming to nag at me for putting up weird looking pictures.

so no funny pictures. but its just as well. i'm depressed down inside. that is a sentence with funny structure. yeah yeah WTV LA. too damn pent up to think properly even. is this what you call faking a facade? ah laymen terms, lady gaga says it best. poker face. oh god! gimme bigger brains please! mabok mabok mabok, hit me now! sigh. btw. the hangover is a really good movie.

design should remain best as a hobby and not for education as we are constantly reminded or asked to do something for the sake of the world and not doing something that we had in mind the first place. - jiashern.

watch that space. one day. jiashern will publish a book.

instead of wasting time, back to work. man. i'd be so freak ass happy when this is over. i need a damn break. realized i've been talking to myself again. if you got to the end of this post, kudos to you. are you bored too? bah. upside. give thanks in any situation right? i bought ink, paid my bills, bought salin solution. but damn the bills for this month. i need to use my 2nd line again. bollocks.

someone once said to me, would you choose passion, or the practical way out? i pondered. tough. i answered "passion". well, guess what? EEHK! wrong answer?

wtf is wrong with me.

love.

2009-11-29T17:16:00.003+08:00

conviction. when it hits you, it hits you. harder than a ton of bricks.

dont ask me questions i cant answer.

i knew after 1 came 2.

thats why it has all along been "no".

hot hot heat.

2009-11-28T16:03:00.000+08:00

yeap. we celebrated valo's birthday yesterday. i dont know if she was surprised or not, but she looks touched, doesnt she? hahaha. she looked really tired too. ah really wish she'd be given a break. we're always saying she's superwoman, but really, she's human too. had a great cell group. and then we brought her for lunch. at this weird ranch like place.

yeah they had ponies. i dont really like the idea of keeping horses on ends of strings, and using them to make money. horses are meant to run about freely out there. yeah keep a horse cooped up all day, this is what you'd get, emo horse. but then again. birthday girl + pony. what do you get?

hahahahaha we kept saying valo with the helmet, looks like mushroom from mario land.

see the resemblence? hahaha wait til i finish editing the rest of the photos.

picture of BK. i want my own car!!! so he doesnt have to drive so many people around. i think he has really cute buck tooth. like the kind where you can imagine him nibbling on carrots.

havent been taking much pictures, because my bangs are taking forever to grow out, thanks to the butthole who cut my bangs too short. my skin is going down the drain too. late nights arent helping and i have been eating less okay people! and that was FYI yoghurt. but i guess once you go fat, you never go back. okay. bai bai!

snow white and the 7 dwarfs.

2009-11-28T15:55:00.002+08:00

stubby loved snow white.

snow white liked arty.

but was dating smarty.

slept with stiffy.

has a crush on hunky.

loves sexy.

and geeky loved stubby.

give up.

2009-11-28T14:44:00.001+08:00

yucks i just realized my read has been so dry of pictures. i promise no more typing till i have pictures.

give up?

2009-11-28T14:30:00.002+08:00

i just woke up. mum tried to make me eat dao suan (name alr sounds distasteful) and i was like eee ntyvm. and there's no food at home. so i think i'm gonna start feeding on my arm. things i need to do: 1.buy ink. 2.buy salin solution. 3.pay bills. 4. find food. but there goes the money. think i'll just pretend i'm on fear factor and eat the dao suan. dammit.

not cut out

2009-11-27T01:29:00.003+08:00

feel freaking angry. i just screwed up the card. i dont even have the balls to give it to valo tomorrow. can i like shoot myself now? dont mention the typo and bad color combination. this year's was worser than last year's as predicted. maybe i'm just not cut out for design. bah.

ocean rock.

2009-11-25T23:37:00.006+08:00

was on the bus back with Luv. he was sleeping and his lips were in the usual pout. awww.. he must be so tired. i kept using a lock of my hair to tickle his lips. and it was so comical to see him trying to tilt his head away, and then momentarily scratch his lips at the non existent itch. haha! it was sooo funny. and it was so tough trying to suppress my giggles. it was a wonder he didnt wake up. its funny how he could be asleep but be conscious enough to scratch the itch. its like half your brain is asleep, half of it isnt. i think what made love realize that i was tickling him was, when his hand brushed my hand in mid air, and then he briefly opened his eyes and saw me guiltily holding a lock of hair, hand in mid air, peering at him. but he was so tired, he made an action of swatting me away, but it was as tho i was a waft of air and he was trying to fan me away. hahahaha. poor him. but when we finally alighted the bus, he was as grumpy as moldy bread, but nevertheless. teehee~ cute. i should stop putting my legs up cos he was just saying his legs hurt. and i remember him telling me, sometimes people's legs hurt cos they have a sudden increase in weight and their bodies, namely legs, cant take it, thus the pained legs. so i guess i should stop putting my legs up, if you get what i mean.

going to town.

2009-11-25T18:45:00.008+08:00

i got conned by this horrible china man. who asked for money, yes, it happened to me again. i keep getting conned. zzz. previously was this bangladesh guy who asked for money to take a cab to see his pregnant wife in JB. now its a china man who has a tiny koi tattoo on his inner right..part that is between your elbow and hand..dunno what is that part. but Luv bought me a drink! lol. and to make me smile, he let me pull random facial hair off his lips. hahaha it hurt like mad la. can see him wincing in pain. till i was like "brace yourself!" here i go! then i gave a yank. a hard one. he was like "ya brace already" but you can still see him wincing, cos idk! the lips are the space that are filled with alot of nerves? yeah but lucky him i stopped after 3. hahaha i yanked facial hair out with my bare hands! so ah peh. lololol.

watch and learn.

2009-11-23T13:44:00.004+08:00

okay i should stop downloading stuff and just go do work. i'm downloading sooo much stuffmy internet is like lagging ttm. i'm resisting downloading the informant. i want to watch that in theatre! haha okay valo's birthday celeb this weekend. most prob fri. so duh la. then consultation on thurs. aim to send valo's card for printing and prepping by tomorrow. should i download skins? omg and 90210. and lipstick jungle. omgggg die. they should just have a job scope, professional downloader. HAHAHA I DONT NEED ASK JO GIMME SHOWS LE. LOSERRR. HAHAHA okay really gonna do work now. bai bai!

beautiful dirty rich.

2009-11-19T21:33:00.002+08:00

i am this close to tears because i fear that this year the card that i'm doing for valo might not be as good as last year's. this is how badly mindscrewed i am.

the biscuit king

2009-11-19T15:34:00.003+08:00

cliche much?

L + i = Y + i.

2009-11-19T01:24:00.002+08:00

i want a wacom.

freakass damn badly.

she's coming back to sg.she's coming back to sg.

lets see how are you gonna do this.

big girls must die.

2009-11-19T00:33:00.005+08:00

just finished watching 2012. predictable.

yeap. thats how big yzanne is. big fat and ugly. its just depressing how everyone's been nagging at me to lose weight. i mean. yeah just because i remain the same. dont mean i aint trying man. i've been rope skipping, and doing crunches. but you know, i just wasnt blessed with skinny genes. and so yeah. yzanne is fat and disgusting to look at. most insulting thing i've ever heard so far. i look like i'm what 31? yay. and "dont you find it embarrassing to go out with yzanne cos you know she's so fat?" ha. talk about insulting. one thing is. people tend to discriminate fat people. like oh yeah they're fat, so that means they're disgusting. oh bugger off. dont fat people get the right to live do wear whatever they want? my weight has never bothered me. and i dont know why people have to make it a topic. i used to be able to act like all those comments never put a dent in me. but you know what? it hurts after a long while. after a long damn while. yeah. i see pretty skinny girls on the streets and wonder why the heck am i so fat and tubby, while they have long legs and thin arms that are flawless. but there're just fats all over me. i've a huge nose. fat lips. tubby arms and legs that somedays i just hate myself so much. all the skipping is just bullshit. because all that shit written on the internet that jumping rope is a good form of cardio, can jolly well suck my balls. because it aint working for me. and the best part is, i still have to listen to people telling me you should lose weight, when you know in fact i have been trying. yeah maybe you're successful in losing weight but i'm not. so? shoot me. yeah i had a choice you know, of wanting to stay on the heavy side. yay. and mum. who constantly is hopelessly honest with me, and say, "aiyah why you put on weight uh?" and can ask me to eat. its a good thing i have gastric too. cos maybe the abundance of gastric juices in me can digest all the fat that is going round in my tummy. look at britney spears, she's a freaking famous popstar, and yet everyone is always complaining she's fat, and now look at me, i'm nobody, so how could i ever escape the criticism of others? you know and one thing. yzanne is all bad. yzanne is an asshole. everything bad about yzanne could be said. but one thing is everything bad from yzanne cannot be said. whoever said life is fair? people can hurt yzanne. but yzanne can never hurt others. because yzanne's just let go of that wall that she's built so well. stupid or what? its like. i always go to far. what i say always get taken the wrong way, but me, being silly, always laughs at the insults that get hurled at me. how stupid am i? that why, i always end up getting hurt when someone gets angry at me for going too far. saying and not knowing when to stop. its like yzanne is forever in the wrong. then she has to go thru the unhappiness herself. because you cant say anything after the command "just forget it" has been given. no. because everything has to be taken seriously. but nothing is ever serious with yzanne. just like its impossible when yzanne gets depressed. gets so effed up she feels like slicing out pieces of flesh with a blade. impossible that she gets hurt or neglected. because yzanne is always smiling and being the one to say "i'm sorry" and giving attention to others. always trying to play the victim. because she needs no attention. because its always fine and dandy with her. i've learnt never to go too far. believe too much. just stop right now. when things are indifferent. which is exactly true. because i'm always talking bullshit. nothing i say you should ever take seriously. where can i buy cocaine? i need to slow my brain down.one minute you're smiling at me. the next you're taking a knife and running it down my throat.

one last chance.

2009-11-16T15:02:00.006+08:00

i have a stiff neck. really. and damn you procrastination and laziness. i havent done anything since crit1. i think i have a mentality that, the worst is over. but heck i was wrong. the worst has yet to come. you know. this sucks. THIS SUCKS. i dont wanna grow up. i dont wanna graduate. i dont wanna be a fat assed bum.

i wish my work would do itself. booo. i wanna play L4D2 and i wish my frigging migraines would go away. how do you think through all the thumping in my head? i'm losing the will. i think its hopeless trying to fight it, if you know you're gonna lose.

someone told me recently. if you know you're gonna lose, why do you fight?

i replied. no guts, no glory man! NO GUTS NO GLORY.

but then he said but if you already know its a losing war. whats the point?

i guess at least you know you tried.

but sometimes i get so down. i just wanna do all the things i wanna do, in case its too late.

jiashern is doing "passion" for his fyp. becasue he's true to what he loves and what he wants. not saying that i am not. but. is this what i really wanna do? packaging? then why the heck am i not doing anything? my mind's screwed. but. i gotta think harder then. thinking through the spinning and thumping.

i went driving with ah kiong again this morning. i was spankin' good baby! just that there was one point of time. i felt my head give way. i felt like i wasnt in my head anymore. the ground was way too close and everything was going in slow motion blur. then i realized that i had let go of the steering wheel with my left hand and the whole car veered to the middle lane. ah kiong was momentarily shocked and shouted WOEI! then i realized i had my left hand clutching my head. my car was in the middle of 2 lanes. but ah kiong was so loud. he actually made me jump. so i was brought back into my head.

i'm not whining about my migraines or tummy problems. but. there's no more time, its now or never. i've got once last chance to get myself together.

i've been really geeky. stayed home to do work last thursday. monsoon season sucks. well. meant to do sketching. but ideas evade me. so i went to meddle with photoshop.

i did this. durr. heavy photoshop sessions again.

the achievement is with aunt j's face. but i got so lazy halfway i decided not to do her chin. well. at least she looks 20years younger.

headache's back. like in L4D2. take a shotgun and gimme a headshot.

winter in summer.

2009-11-16T12:43:00.003+08:00

its a very bad time now. my mind is totally blank as to. ZERO.

so i've got nothing for fyp consultation tomorrow.

val's card. i cant seem to settle on a single idea.

and i've got the flu. bleah.

//edit. i've decided. for consultation tomorrow, maybe i could tell keith, ohhh my explorations were based on an art piece "white on white".

you and me could write a bad romance.

2009-11-13T01:23:00.003+08:00

guess what. i managed to get my old layout back. ridiculous thing is you, blogger.

i'm in love with Gaga. she is like. zomg. i'd turn gay for her. but then again. she's a hermaphrodite. so technically i wouldnt be gay. the art direction of her videos are just kick ass. love love love i want your love. okay stop typing! i hate words. promise i wont blog til i've got pictures. how can anyone not love Gaga!? gotta be Jonas Sisters fans.

brown eyes.

2009-11-13T01:07:00.003+08:00

mummy's back from bang-cock! :D okay she didnt buy any snacks. which is like bummerrr. she got me this really funky necklace. not something that'd i'd wear but okayyyy. LOL. it reminds me of sweets and japanese snacks tho. so yeah. aunt got me a victorian cross too. very nice. plus a dress. very random and thoughtful.

In your brown eyes, i was feeling low

'cause they're brown eyes and you never know

Got some brown eyes, but a soft face

beefcake!

2009-11-11T10:28:00.003+08:00

VERY VERY. annoyed now. DONT. even get me started. okay fingers crossed. more later.

shit. in ma pants.

2009-11-11T08:57:00.004+08:00

i havent slept for idk. say..the whole darn night? i feel very odd now. knowing i'mma have to go for presentation in a few hours time. last night my mac did a stunt on me. it hung while i was editing the ppt slides i needed today. like auto shut down. was it the snow leopard? i was like WTFFFFFFFFF!? and as you know. i'm new to keynote. so i didnt exactly save it. so 3 hours worth of work went down the damn drain. even tho it was just mere ppt editing, piss much?

i dunno how exactly to describe how i'm feeling now. but i KNOW i'm feeling like. a blender. i shouldnt eat anything. for fear that i puke everything up again. damn you gastric! ahhhhh. i've realized that. i have a nervous kink. like tourette's. i tend to touch my septum whenever i'm nervous or thinking. idk, maybe just to check that my ball bearing is still there or to pull the piercing. just to feel a slight shoot of pain. maybe thats a way of reminding myself. yes i am alive.

dad was asking me. "eh today no school uh?" i looked at incredulously and went "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?" i know i over reacted. why am i shitting my pants now? never used to. i should remember to enjoy this. wont get presentations after graduation.

4days til mummy comes back. tilden. the chores are. QWERTYUIOTRYEWET!!!!! bleah. okay back to ppt. sheesh.

my balls need air.

2009-11-09T14:59:00.004+08:00

things that got my balls in a knot.
1. woman who didnt understand not to cut my bangs to short. ya i'm damn sore about it.
2. stupid blogger for screwing up my template.
3. why is always rainy on weekdays only.
4. stupid ass who forgot the date.
5. stupid facebook who wont let me upload my pictures.
6. stupid doucheboy who thought he could fool me, not honor his word and not sell me the item i want.
7. gastric and stomach ulcerrrrs.
8. consultation.
9. migraine.
10. kwok.

things that got me happy.
1. seeing ah kiong 2 days a week every morning.
2. seeing ah kiong smile. he's damn retarded.
3. ending and starting days with chocolate and bananas.
4. kwok.
5. thinking up ways to make derrick feel sorry for his nasty self.
6. my idea book (36$ well spent!)
7. ipod.
8. getting to pee.
9. medication.
10. food.

weird. off for consultation. bleah.

go consummate yourself.

2009-11-09T14:48:00.003+08:00

OKAY I'M FRIGGING PISSED. DONT ASK WHY. SOME BOYS ARE JUST MADE OF DOUCHE. DOUCHE ON THE INSIDE AND DOUCHE ON THE OUTSIDE. YUM YUM YUM. 'NUFF SAID.

la la la i want your love.

2009-11-04T11:03:00.003+08:00

just done up my timeline for FYP. its like. QWERTYUIOFDSASDFGHJBNV. I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR CONSULTATION DURING THE LAST WEEK OF DEC. bummmmmmer much? its like the given timeline from school stated 30th dec, back for consultation. i dont think soooo. its like year end! who the heck will go back to school? pfft. pains of being a senior.

dad and mum keep asking me, eh when you graduating uh? same old answer each time. next year. mar/april. and then they'll go..ayyyy so fast ah.. you just went in (sounds like going into prison), then you're coming out already. yeah yeah yeah. i'm gonna join the throng of the unemployed people on the streets aka bummmmms.

anyway. wu chong and i were talking about SOTA. apparently they allow diploma holders to go be lecturers there. HAHAHA. not a bad idea going to teach art to kids. i was saying i'd be a weird, incense burning, indian shrine music playing teacher. and thank you very much. both wu chong and Bee said that i'm already weird, just not a teacher yet =.= MLIA

why is everyone using tumblr? anyway a whole shit load of photos arent uploaded yet. because i just got the snow leopard OS, and even tho the appearance of my macintosh looks like trash, the software is x10 abled to kick any PCs ass. and thank you allan. i have got CS4. whooopeee~ so okay okay i promise photos up soon okay?

okay cs4 damn chio. just installed. i love the gradient theme. okay bai bai! off for lunch at bffs :D

stupid blogger.

2009-11-01T01:25:00.002+08:00

something's wrong with my page layout. i hate fiddling with stupid page layouts. bahh. stupid tagboard. stupid blogger. yes you heard me. STUPID BLOGGER.

hair on my pillow.

2009-10-30T00:38:00.005+08:00

i need a frigging life. besides running the race for my 'FYP from hell'. trying to get enough sleep. trying to clear my room, (where does all the stuff come from!?), helping mum w chores. i already missed 2 appointments with my doctor for follow ups on my gastritis. think the receptionist thinks i'm anal for re-scheduling each time. but c'mon la, if i have to keep going back to school at weird timings, how do i fit in a doctor's appoinment?

beginning of FYP is like the most crucial? cos we're getting the projs chosen, choices being made and stuff. all in all i just keep missing a date with my doctor siu.

anyway. i'm superly tired. i wanna get dreadlocks. people keep telling me its gonna stink and stuff. but noooo i'm clean okay? i want dreadlocks, like super long ones cos i think they're fantastic. like how many girls on the streets you see have dreadlocks? HAHAHAHA i want long thick round dreadlocks for my 21st. let the hair growing begin :D

okay bai bai!!

honey and milk.

2009-10-29T03:40:00.001+08:00

1:33:01 PM 'CAR ::: i was like telling lisa

1:33:06 PM 'CAR ::: "hen hao chi hen hao chi!"

1:33:15 PM zan.: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

1:33:15 PM 'CAR ::: "nah.. chi zhe ge!" dip the marshmellow

1:33:20 PM 'CAR ::: "XL! eat this!!!"

1:33:24 PM zan.: HAHAHAHAHA really nice what!!!

1:33:30 PM 'CAR ::: *dip the marshmellow*

1:33:31 PM 'CAR ::: FAINT AH

1:33:38 PM zan.: hahahahaha

1:33:41 PM zan.: aiyah

1:33:52 PM zan.: you guys also didnt fall sick what

1:34:07 PM 'CAR ::: sigh

1:34:09 PM zan.: ?

1:34:16 PM 'CAR ::: UR SALIVA!

1:34:18 PM 'CAR ::: urgh

1:34:30 PM zan.: taste like candy canes and lollies okay!!!

1:34:40 PM 'CAR ::: hahhaha

1:34:41 PM 'CAR ::: siao

just for the record. i was kidding when i said i dipped my tongue in the land of chocolately goodness of the fondue BK made. tho i would gladly love to HAHAHA. I DID NOT DO DIRTY DEED. so you guys can rest easy.(esp carol, you can wipe your cold sweat off now)hahahahahaha~ and my saliva does taste like milk and honey. HAHAHA :D

lollies on trees.

2009-10-27T15:53:00.007+08:00

hello. and welcome. okay okay i have been away for a long time because i have been mad busy.

really really busy. like right after internship ended, i still had to go back to work to finish a project i'm working on. and then right after internship i still had to go back to school and embark on ''FYP from hellll''. okay not hell exactly but its just madness having to juggle work, school, proposal writing (2K words!!!), driving lessons (yes got my TP test date already 4th feb), and sleep. i swear my bed is the devil himself. i get so sleepy each time i lie down on my bed. oh gosh.

well on a lighter note, i still piss ah kiong off every first half an hour i start to drive. i think he incurs a loss instead of a profit each time he drives with me. i refuse to change gears, (gear 2 is my best friend), i dont completely depress the clutch thus causing the "cat stuck in blender" sound, i rammed curb. wooohoo~ i hope ah kiong doesnt give up on me :(

well internship is overrrr. i miss work. actually more of the people there.

the pet mouse that goes round feeding on the supplies we stock up in the office. check out his size! hahahaha.

just a random photo. yeah my office is sweltering hot. so the people there wear tank tops. sexy or what? hahahaa. yeah my office has white walls and black ceilings. thus explains the heat. office is a cosy place where everyone can see everyone. gosh i miss them all. i miss the pantry mostest. the air con there is like the Arctic wind.

sad thing is that i didnt get to take pictures with everyone. but i have more weird pictures in my cell phone. like the purple couple in the office *winks*

more next time. photos from mid autumn, i know. super outdated la. but wait awhile more, will be uploaded after this week.

group shots.

and there's valo. hahahaha in her green dress.

ya la ya la. must give BK credits for making this flowing tower of chocolatey goodness. it wouldnt flow in the beginning cos we bought the wrong chocolate.

well, and finally when it was up and flowing, i did what i've always wanted to do.

dip my tongue in the land of chocolately goodness. bet you guys didnt know i licked it! hahaha thats why the fondue tasted XTRA yummy. hahahaha. ooh yea.

this one was a blog worthy picture. look at the bbq pit. HAHAHA its a classic bronze wok okay! i wonder how the boys carried it over. it was this massive bronze wok, and we just put a gauze over it, and there you have your make shift pit. kua kua kua.

eating the prized B&Js ice cream. this photo wasnt posed, it just so happened Bee stuck his head in, i lifted up my hand and well, a makeshift mosaic. hahaha.

high on B&Js. carol raise hand, i raise leg.

all for us, none for you. nahh we practically fed everyone there. chunky was meant to be shared :D

we got so high on ice cream (well okay fine, maybe just me) and we started playing with sparklers. thank you thank you, i didnt let down my ministry and lecturers, having remembered all that was taught about photography, i managed to get the fantastic sparkler shottttts. woohooo. i want more this xmas!!!

and when michael saw this picture, he said. woah you have such funny members. HAHAHA how to end the event without jump shots?

next up, hallooooweeennn~ woooo~

okay for now, 4K words proposal.

bai bai! :D

we've only just begunnnn.

2009-10-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

shifted!

but still. yay. end of internship. but much has just begun.

its been a colorful internship. and i love my job!!! haha.

still having a work in progress job. and its back to school tomorrow.

time flies.

end of adolescence

2009-09-28T00:17:00.012+08:00

okay. title doesnt match this post. but i've been listening to funeral for a friend recently, so yeah. i'm in the post hardcore mood. lol. currently i'm dead hungry. and i cant remember what i had for dinner. ooh now i do. i had half a bowl of japanese ramen. i thought i had to do an upload quick before the working week starts again. i've got to devote my 101% of attention to work. c'mon i have an animation to do. like not easy passing my boss' standards. so i'm abit sweating it now. pfft. but fear not! haha.

yay i'm no longer the youngest in celly!!! woooohoooo~

this year is slightly different. i've mellowed down so much! why everyone keep asking me, eh havoc ah!? boo. anyhow the boys didnt celebrate with me! had them celebrate w me for 2 years in a row already. Bee. junloong, yaoboon and eugene. they're always making me laugh. last night ended late with a flood of texts coming in, till it hanged my phone. so i gave up trying to reply alll the texts at like 330am and went to sleep. thank you all who wished me.

dad, mum. Bee, junloong, yaoboon, JO. sean, moses (lol my dean from school!), eugene lee, chua, tan, oh, goh, ng, lyon. alex, travis, carol, mark, xiangling, darryl ooi, goh, daniel, val, shazwan, shah, bella, sophia, timothy, steven, andy, ben, ash, darren, isaac, shuling, evette, brenda, thia chunfu, mr poh, aunt judy, aunt molly, will, boonkiat, kevin, linus, Cathi, yockbing, phoebe, calista, leslie, tiny, bryan, jasper,Roy, JC, ah man, hafeez, momo, toonshiong, xiuyu, carolyn, zhanqing, yiyang, eve and boyf, michael, ervin, melda, guanghe. june, shaun, nick, anet, spot yourself! and did i miss out any?

sorry if i did, thank you all for your calls, and texts. like uber thank youuuuu.

well. woke up. at 7am. spoke to mum. like she's damn funny to look at in the morning, cos she's like so real. she has kind old lady's eyes. told her i loved her. never let a day go past without telling her i love her. life is too short to let days go by without telling the ones you love, you love them. anw she said she was gonna cook salted veg and duck soup for me, which is currently sitting in the fridge curdling. so i'm wake up later at 4am to eat it. lest she thinks i dont appreciate can? lol.

my legs were killing me, cold weather, and i get rheumatism. winnerrr. ended up busing down to church. praise and worship was awesome. had my favourite song. YAHWEH. like seriously. shoooo good. i need Him so much so much more.

well. even tho i didnt coordinate my own birthday celeb, the polite cell was obviously gonna celebrate for me. hahaha. chocolate cake. like super chocolately. I LIKE. I LIKE :)) wanna do more more more!!! better in school, family and church! omggg God guide me! :DDD

haha i felt my ears burning up when i was giving 'the speech'. man felt really convicted at what i was saying. its not just saying it anymore you know? but its what i really wanna see being done. pastor phil was saying, dont confess facts, but the truth, what you wanna see being done. amen. hahahaha.

well. i guess one more tiny wish i have to confess is, less death metal. goodbye slipknot. korn, thursday, lamb of god, marilyn manson. breakthru come to mama. tee hee~

well. then. val took out my gift. it was a tiny rectangular box. and they were asking me to guess what it was. i shook it and heard rattling, so i was guessing nonsensical stuff. like. aeroplane chess set, pens. and idk what else la. then it was like. they edged me to open the gift. i opened it and i was like =_='''''

pocky.

then they were like open the box! inside maybe is not pocky laaaa. or dunno what. so i was like really meh??? then why in pocky box! so i opened it. and went like. double =_='''''''''''

it really is pocky lor.

then i was like !!?? okay pockyyyy. cos i like to snack like a heck lot. lol. so pocky for me. lololololl.

then aiyah celly. was like okay. in order to get your gift, you need to shout across expo, i want my gift! then can get.

:/ who doesnt know i can be loud loud loud? so i went I WANTTTTT MY GIFTTTTT!!!!!!! damn loudly. =_= like idk, 3 or 4 times across expo. argh.

then someone said celly got me a wacom tablet. i was like @.@ sure bo? cell group where got 500bucks to burn. then seriously, carol handed me a thin flat package. WACOM!!! wacom wacom wacom!!!

hahahaha wish as hard as i want, its NOT a wacom, cos got no USB WIRE LEH. i not dumb okayyyy. haha!

i ripped it open zomgwtfbbq1111!!!! is a chio-est packaging design book. SUPER SLICK, SUPER NICE. SUPER CHIO. I WAS LIKE OOOOOH CHIOOOOOO. PACKAGING DESIGNNNN, OOOOOHHH. HAHAHAHA SPASTIC I KNOWWW.

Bee got me this uber sized domo. damn cute. look like brownie. think cos i'm constantly hungry. and domo looks like a hunk of brownie, its an awesome gift. tho i'm not a big fan of stuffed dolls. lololol.

plus this HOW TO SPEAK CANTONESE AUDIO CD AND MANUAL. DAMN UNEXPECTED. DAMN FUNNY LA. I WAS LIKE!???? BUT super happy with the gift. i already uploaded the audio on ipod. SO EVERYONE GET READY FOR YZANNE'S CANTONESE 101 HAHAHAHAHAHAAA. the teacher sounds soooo plastic. hahahahaa so fun!!!

he made me this big assed card. with fun stickers and such. sooo cute. make me feel happy when i look at it. hahahaha I LIKE.

then we went arab street for lunch. had egyptian food. super exotic i tell you. there were a couple of men, dressed in robes, turban and had the big beard thing going on. look super like terrorists. hahaha.shouldve gone to take photos w em. hahahaha.

must upload this photo. cos they kept posing just for one nice shot. hahahaha!

i was super tired alr la. pfft. i wanna hang out hang out hang outttt. c'mon but...it just didnt happen. bummer. but ahhh hung around bugis for abit. we were messing around with xiangling's photobooth HAHAHAHAHAHAA VAL HAS PHOTOS THAT CRACKED ME UPPP LIKE CRAZY SIAAA. must find a way to get them. heh heh.

amazingly. i went to take a bus back. dunno why the bus was like chock full of people :S legs were killing meee. poor legs. i love you legs. next time treat you better.

went back, put down my stuff. and headed to Northpoint with Bee. wandered around, i'm looking for luminous body studs to buy. c'mon anybody? funny thing is i bumped into eve and boyf. lololololol. so the 4 of us sat upstairs talking about school days back then. I MISS SCHOOLLLLLL DAYSSSS.

i was dead tired. by now my back was killing me too. eve and boyf left, and i sent Bee to the bus stop. thanks, altho you were so tired. srsly.

just as i was going back, brenda texted me, asking where i was. saying she was in yishun. wanna meet? i was like AH MA GAD. tired.

anyhow, ended up going to starbucks. got a drink. and she bought me this apple crumble cheesecake that had ginger in it. bleah. lolololol. i sat there looking at her msn on her green iphone =_=

SUPER STOKED. and guess what, i saw dear evette walk past the glass panel. i went like @.@ OIIII. funny thing is we tried to talk thru the glass. damn retarded. lol. until brenda gestured for her to come in. like what were we thinking??? talking thru the glass. rightttt.

all in all, hahahaha. cherlene, 7 long years. c'mon. what were we? how much were we all worth to you? how true was all that we had back then? relationships aint that easy to cultivate. cant believe you threw it allllll away. 7 longgg years. oh well, what can we say? maybe cos we arent the ones you're marrying anyway hahahahahaha

while on the way home. i ran into shuling. like seriously. shocking.

havent seen y'all for so long, and finally saw you guys today. happpy happy happy. missed you guys so much can! best birthday ever. i mean the unplanned meetings. cell group, and the gifts, well wishes, and so much effort put in for me, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, I APPRECIATE IT SHOOOO MUCH. ❤. WO AI DA JIA!!!

damn sleepy tired hungry close to grumpy! now, work tomorrow. jiayouuuu!!! bai bai! :D xoxoxo.

+44

2009-09-27T03:33:00.000+08:00

hello. just finished watching Saw. again. each time. i always think that. Dr Gordon shouldve never tried to saw thru the chains. cos that'll make the hacksaws blunt, and less effective in sawing his leg off. and that'll take longer, and hurt twice as much. well. and each time i end the movie, i have a weird craving for spaghetti and meatballs. okay off to bed. sleepyyy.

dont stop searching, its not over.

2009-09-24T15:30:00.005+08:00

this is for us.

i've been listening to this song at work for the whole day. damn emo i know. but life is being a pain in the butt now. its like. i'm in a nightmare i cant wake up from.

sometimes question my intellect these days. i am not aware of what i can or cannot control myself doing. it hurts alot. knowing and not knowing. knowing that we have no other choice. not knowing what to do, or even if there is another option. i keep wishing that things werent this way. like really really really. i seem to be doing that alot. repeating things three times cos i really really really wish for it. 3 is like the magic number y'know?

you've held my hand helped me walk thru days that i couldnt. you've guided me in the dark when i couldnt see. you've kept me warm when i was freezing. you were with me all the way when i couldnt do it alone. but this is something i gotta do my own? i dont wanna.

i feel small and tiny. what are we to do now? all i can do is pray He fix us quick. dont forget, us.

it will get better, faster than we know.

wait and bleed.

2009-09-23T17:28:00.004+08:00

right cheek is swollen today. hurts when ever i eat or smile. the gashes on the inside of mouth hurt like nuts! i think the wounds are turning into ulcers. i was eating my stale mcnuggets this morning. and as i ate, i could taste the coppery taste of blood in my mouth. i kept wondering why wont it stop bleeding. bahhh and as i ate, i think i ate my own flesh too. i realized that the lining on the inside of my cheek was coming off. and i was eating it together with the mcnuggets. wayyy to go. it kinda freaked me out that i was chewing my cheek together with mcnuggets. but what could be worst then the state i'm in now? its like a horror flick. just that its real. i walked home covered in blood yesterday. as tho i stepped out of a horror film. why why why. wont somebody please tell me this isnt happening? hahahaha but it already did. travelling alone sux big time. you know i hate travelling alone. goodbye to so much so much. you werent here when my heart stopped beating.

where is my miracle pao!?

faith hope love.

2009-09-22T23:57:00.002+08:00

is this it? just this afternoon, i was just talking to val about us. what about us, how to fix us, how to grow us, how to change us, how to improve us. i always thought it was me. that i am the one who neglects, or overlooks. but this is a wake up call. that made all that we held on in the past pale in comparison. we almost made it babe! we almost did. but our hearts got ripped out. like ragdolls. it hurts badly you know. inside and outside. idk which is worst. the fact that we lost it all that we've built up so high. it kills.

grrr.

2009-09-22T02:10:00.000+08:00

i hate fcbk.

one big colorful question mark.

2009-09-19T23:59:00.006+08:00

why are you so hard to read? i wanna hold you high and steal your pain. i dont feel right, that i'm strong enough. there is this barrier that i cant get thru. i wanna say i wish it were simpler. but i guess it isnt. what would be proven if i could cross that bridge? sometimes its up, sometimes its down. i'm lost. am i really sure? what exactly am i doing? sometimes i feel the kite is close, but the wind blows it far away again, making it all seem in vain. why? i just cant understand.

the open door.

2009-09-16T23:41:00.005+08:00

i covet this. like super badly. its damn nice rightttttt? someone pls pls pls faster start a bodycandy spreeee. faster faster faster. i want this damn badly. but they do not accept SG credit cards. so screw you. anyway. i want this. ahhhh alex koh's girlf who has cankles asked for a diamond ring in a heart shape but c'mon la. should ask for this what. colorful diamond more chiooooo. hahahahahaha. xoxo.

.com

2009-09-16T00:39:00.003+08:00

so i have gotten a new site. waiting for my domain name to be approved. but that site doesnt allow photo uploads in text posts. damn dumb. okay off to bed.

xoxo

lets drink and get merry.

2009-09-12T23:54:00.005+08:00

i decided to upload a few photos before i head to bed. it was kinda like a dinner, pre birthday celeb for me and a post celeb birthday for Bee, from Bee's Godparents. we went to Trader's Hotel for International Buffet. i wish i had taken my gastric meds before i went. because i feel like death now. really really odd.. like the food is doing F1 around my whole system. i have to keep myself from throwing up each time. i hate vomiting (((>.<))) i think i have like damn good gag reflex now.

my favourite photo of the day. cos Bee has his arm around me and we look like damn wasted. we were all squashed up in the backseat of alex's car. damn fun. cos i was damn close to Bee and his hand was around me and i could smell his smell.not BO la. i didnt want the ride to end. omg i love him so much even tho its a tough period for us. let us make it make it make it pls pls pls.and i hate my bangs. time to go for a haircut.

we had lotsa food. lobster. oyster. banana crumble. prawns. sashimiii and whole lot more.but damn you gastric. the only thing i ate in bulk was the oysters. i had 4 ONLY. damn sad. and i had corn soup too. damn nice. lololol. i love corn.

last picture of the day. haha. more photos next time. damn sleepy cos i just took my meds.

and alex's girlf has cankles haha!

okay bai bai! (:

J.

2009-09-11T00:05:00.002+08:00

i think that the online shops in Singapore are like by far the lousiest. i made a pre-order for 2 dresses, 2 tops and a skirt but you know what? the shop owner went MIA. i think that young girls should just stop trying to make it big with online shops, well even if they could, at least give better service. i think i can be quite a mean when it comes to getting my orders on time. i mean why for put, items will be sent out the day when pre order closes, when you dont keep to that promise? i just called and chewed up a 17 year old kid who didnt mail out my top. cos apparently she threatened to call the cops when i didnt reply her (hello? working and phone on silent) and when my bank transfer wasnt successful. damn shitty. i transferred the money. and i have yet to receive my top since 2 weeks ago. when i realized that the shop owner was 17. i was damn skeptical. i know damn judgemental. but she cant speak english for nuts. well if i've not gotten my parcel by tomorrow. there's gonna be another wake up call from me. its just bad luck for her. cos i'm a seasoned online shopper. she is so gonna get it :)

anw work is. weird. i dont feel like i'm at work. i've been damn lazy. not updating log book. i know i'm gonna regret that but bahh i've got the tomorrow then update mentality. damn bad. YB got me a new harddrive. yayness. snow leopard. come to mama. i have to stop online shopping! blasted pay not in yet. sucks majorly. i'm sleepy.

密蜂，你說，我們會詠遠快樂嗎？

xoxo.

why don't you be my girlfriend?

2009-09-09T04:39:00.000+08:00

does he even know you're alive,
I got an idea.

what have i done?

2009-09-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

gone gone gone.