when the time is ripe.

shift? shifting. shifted. ask me for the link.

MLIA.

Text from Poh Ah Kiong (13:28hrs) : " i never recieved your money, did you transfer to wrong account?

*scroll all the way down to bottom of message*

Kidding, recieved already, thanks. Not funny."

thats my instructor for you. please note that he spells "received" as "recieved" hiak hiak hiak.

hero of war.

damn wordy post.

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dicks and cunts. i got a whopping close to perfect score (lol much?). even though i got an chinese pussy gay ass tester this very morning. he was impatient and deducted points as though they were free. but anyhow, i failed. not because of the mistakes i made, but due to the immediate failure, of a brown (gawd i hate brown so much right now) car, which cut into my lane, when i was filtering lanes. THANK YOU VERY MUCH ASSCLOWN. you cos me $200 and my license. if i could, i would stuff a potato into your exhaust pipe and pour water in your petrol tank. i was on a 2-way street, filtering from the left to right lane, and i was in the right of way because i'd made sure traffic was clear before proceeding to turn left from the stop line. but oh yea. this car decide to drive out from the side road and bypass my car, while travelling at idk what, the speed of light, and i failed to react in time, under estimated the distance between myself and a lorry, i went too damn close (yea as ah kiong always says, "why the driver very handsome huh, you want to get his number huh) and kwah kwah kwah i received an immediate failure. my tester, an old fart, with an ugly haircut, and weird eyes. was a pure pussy gay ass. because he sounded constantly exasperated at me, (probably his wife left him due to the bad haircut and weird eyes, or he hasnt gotten laid since 1969) even though i had no problems with my circuit. i cleared my parking (both), and directional change in one minute flat. the rest was just a piece of cake man. (seriously piece of cake) but the shitty part was when i was turning back into the goddamn circuit, that mother car just had to appear. and cause me my immediate failure just at the junction before the test center. yes i know i sound sour. which i am currently. because i was so close yet so far. now i have to wait 3 mother months. and the next time when i do the test again, there will be no poles for parking, i doubt i can clear my parking in 1 minute flat. i'm just pissed man. that its back to square one. how the heck you gonna park without poles? bollocks. when i go to mass this week, imma pray they dont remove the poles (yeaaaa right).

well. when ah kiong saw my test sheet, he smiled and said, "eh at least you cleared your circuit what". thats when i started to cry. he seemed almost proud of me, but i failed him. he chided me and said, "dont cry la" then he even gave me, get this, =.- tissues. i just felt so terrible. when he wished me "good luck", told him before i went into the waiting room, "its not about luck, its about skill". then he smiled and said, "yea skill. *nods and smiles* skill". well. kiong told me, his "friends" were guessing i'd probably gotten 48points. because they all saw which tester i got, and due to the fact that that particular tester was super anal, kiong said that tester always deduct till students get 40 over points. and coming to think of it, the tester was truly a pussy gay ass. cos my sequence was, Z course, S course, Slope, Parallel Parking, Change Of Direction and Vertical Parking. the PGA asked me to go to the dreaded Parallel Parking, the one right beside the slope, the one with uneven ground, the one which i dread like a whole freaking lot. Shitbag la. i bet he's the kind of anal ass who helps the driving center to earn more $$. seldom see testers choose that region. but thank God for the people using that horrible Parallel parking place :S anyway, when ah kiong saw my score. one-mother-eight. i guess that gave him a bit of pride that, proving that when he had been telling me these few times, "you can do it", i really could. he believed in me. thats precisely why i feel like shit. i failed. due to one stupid incident that i had no control over, i'm not too bothered by whichever tester i got, cause, hey man i could do it. but well i guess God let that car appear from the slip road for a reason. i mean, the road was clear, and hey, how the heck did that car appear? i just cant comprehend it, cos you know why? i'm not God.

idk, but i trust in the Lord, and His plans for me will come to pass in time to come. i'm terribly sad now, because, ah how mummy knows me best. when i got home and told her, all deflated and dejected that i failed, "ah i know you feel horrible cos you never fail anything, right? hahaha" yeah she really laughed hahaha at me. its quite true. i gave my best, but i failed. its hard for me to swallow failure, cos since young, i've been independent, making sure i work things out to minimize the percentage of failure, plus i always give myself high expectancies, so yeah. its just hard for a perfectionist like me to take failure when you've given your best. alas, no point thinking i couldve passed, cos fail is fail. sigh i was so sad, i actually forgot to pay ah kiong. lol. and the best thing today. kiong usually calls me "ZAN". but you know today, he said "come YZANNE, over here" HAHAHA he managed 2 syllables instead of 1. i love my instructor. he's the best. well, going on a couple of months haitus before resuming with him again. i must go and book my next text asap!

anyway i cut my nails short yesterday. maybe its due to my short stubby fingers that caused me to flunk =.- okay thats bull and we all know it.

Love, we should have gone for Big Night Out, it was a mindblowing kickass night. *looks at youtube videos* MUSE IS EPIC. and thanks for being there when i felt so alone and tiny, and telling me that i was strong and that you believed in me. i needed that. you're the jelly to my peanut butter. you provide the up to the downs. love you.

what do you want from me?

wanted to go get tix to go see big night out. 161bucks to see 3 of my favourite bands. MUSE. SAOSIN. RISE AGAINST. but suay suay tickets sold out. i cant believe i'm letting this slip past. funny thing is, i've been listening to adam lambert =.- he's some good looking, good sounding gay shit. i hate the times when you're not with me. its like flipping the switch on and off. i think that only you could save my life. okay its gonna be 1900hours soon. cant fricking wait.

cyanide chips.

i want this. i need to remind myself that i'm still alive.

i never knew that magic came in little yellow men with squarish heads.

would you still call me superman?

i guess i should have had the balls to do that earlier. instead of allowing the doormat side of me show up. i read you like a book. i guess you were kind enough to try and hide it. either that or you've toned down on your sarcasm. which is good. i never meant anything else. we tried, but we just didnt know how to. its stupid to ask, "was there even love in the first place?"..is fire warm to the touch? haha. remember only the good, never the bad. i'll remember how you were always there. you in your yellow OP shirt. ah-ha. that day was magic. thinking of ways to make me smile when i was down, assuring me with so many things. keeping my cold hands warm, and always checking if i was doing okay. the dreams we shared, the food you brought me, the jokes we told. the walks we had, and so much more. but we've lost it. everything. maybe its too early. but its hard. to look without feeling the poison of hurt. i still care, if you're doing okay. school, and family. i wasnt the queen for 3years for nothing. thats why i'm truly concerned if you'd be okay. i'm sorry. i really am. because i did it. not you. the sadness feels worst than when optimus prime died. but i guess the courage is back with you. go, and be happy. i said, it would be the last. and it would really be. i chose this road, and there's no reverse on a one way street. thanks for loving me. you did it perfectly till the poison set in. i dont know where it came from but i guess we were too young to protect the fragile thing called "love" that we fell into.

goodbye Bee.

placed side by side so carelessly.

okay yzanne will do work after this post. things have been up and down. work productivity has hit its all time low low low. i just hope i wake up fast enough to start pushing myself to the extreme limits. i have been sleeping for way too much. i am such a lazy ass sometimes. had banana and honey stars for breakfast today. that made me happy.

apparently, this is 年糕. never been exposed to such foods before. and i had it for the first time. HAHAHA laugh all you want, i know swaaa kuuu but i dont care! the 年糕 tasted nice despite the fact that it looked like tapeworms to me hahaha.

K gave me these a long long time ago. LAO HONG SEAWEED. lao hong to the point where the 3 pieces are all glued together. tastes terrible but i came up with a way of eating them, where they taste less sucky.

might as well eat them instead of waste them right?

hahahaha yaaa i know. i put them in the korean cup noodles and they tasted pretty darnn good to me :) better than eating the 3 gluey pieces really.

by now, you'd have realized these are mobile uploads. this was taken a way long time ago. my precious mac and beer whilst doing work. hahaha. beer really helps.

YEA BEEN STALKING MY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. tomorrow lesson at 7am. i think by far i am the earliest learner, among BK, Kwok, and Car. 7AM HELLOOO? I DONT THINK MY BRAIN IS EVEN ABLE TO PROCESS STUFF THAT EARLY. bound to get scolded by him X(

random photo taken with bestf ages ago.

mummy's cake. i know, disappointing photo qualities.

more cup noodle photos. hahaha! this was the cup noodles that Car brought back from TW. they had real piggy bits in them. tasted really good. yeah i know, i gotta stop eating so much junkfood.

Starbucks w ♥ . Green tea cream and Citron Mocha Frap and the butt ugly chicken dunno what puff.

honestly idk what this photo was supposed to mean. but my toenails match my black skinnies. haha! ♥ black.

okay this was by far the worst bus ride EVER. this sleepy old man was sitting beside me and leaned so far in that i was squashed upfront of the edge of the seat. hello look? he was already halfway on my seat. brrrr. bless the 2 guys who came up to tap tap tap the sleepy old man. they kept tapping till i was able to like slide out of the seat and get a change of seat.

ugh. hate traveling alone sometimes, especially when i meet weird people. but who's complaining? bah. i miss you, ipod ♥ .

okay off to do work. dunno why blogger decided to start doing underlining. xoxo.

fanboy!

i saw this and i got super excited. i had to upload it. cant wait.

you're a star.

heavy photo post. i was just flushing out my hard drive. and i found a whole lot of photos. i'm not even halfway through. but i picked out some of the much funnier ones. been such a while since we all had photos to look at havent we? hahaha. i'm falling sick. i hope not! because of the weather and the horrible fact that i have to stay up late daily to do work. i'm very much drowsy now because of the flu i'm having, i cant breathe through my nose at all. and i'm just very very tired. i dont wanna fall sick! because the weekend is here! jojo says that if i fall sick, chinese medicine would be my new best friend :S

love the polite cell.

ah beng days.

HAHAHAHA V NECK.

XL.

dragonball?

stupid things we do in class.

some abstract diamond shit i did for color and light.

bestfs!

brather and i :D

ice cream night!

IH and Dan.

besties in schooool.

you gotta love food.

carol-san.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

face cramp.

model bestf with the world's smallest camera screen.

i miss the bert and ernie days. do you?

the other day i was taking a cab to CG, the cab uncle was like asking me "am i malay or mixed?" i was like =.- and then just yesterday i was with ah kiong. its really good to see him smile. and laugh. even though he always laughs at me =.- i kept saying "bo ko leng bo ko leng ahhh" and the ah kiong was like "aiyohhh you speak hokkien like what like that uh". i looked at him and went "very good right!". then he broke out into hard laughter. like HAA HAA HAA. =.- where are my roots going! okay gotta head to school. love you all.

he ate my heart.

Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all our memories they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

Even with our fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.

I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter,
Where we take this road someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder,
But I know that you'll find another.
That doesn't always make you want to cry.

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in,
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

I'm already gone, already gone,
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
I'm already gone, already gone,
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.

this is for you.

you made me cry. you really did. i felt my heart break and the next thing i knew, was i was in tears. i sat there silently. crying. i knew this was something i had to do, and go thru with because, its not helping either of us. i guess i should've handled it earlier, or maybe i could've handled it better. i'm sorry. i really am. its the last time. you were special, you know? you lopsided smile. always trying to make me smile. your soft lips, your cheeks and hugs. how you fit into me when we hug. when i hook my pinky into your pocket when we walk. your long slender fingers. and your warmth. you were like my personal drug. you were mine. someday you'll understand why i chose this road. we fought so hard to get here. and now, whats left are ashes. i'm sorry i hurt you. i never meant to. just know that anyhow. you're still special to me. 不再乎永久只再乎曾竟永有.

thank you for being there for me. and taking care of me when i was such a wreck.

with all the crying, drinking and more crying, then passing out.

in the silence of the night, all the tears and hurt come flooding back in.

i need to get a grip.

tipsy.

"you made me smile. thats how magical you are."

bad romance.

mummy's birthday tomorrow. black forest cake compliments of jojo :) i bought mummy some alcohol chocolates. i couldnt really think of what to get mummy, so i just thought of chocolates. cos she has been eating chocolate like nobody's business. i have been trying to be less negative. its been tough. ipod died. like really died. all my music shows and etc all gone. i was so sad when i went back to the service center and they pronounced it as dead. then my camera. i think i really suck sometimes. i got caught in the rain and the whole camera kinda got bleu lines and fizzled out. sighzxz. so i have been taking photos via cellphone. and just the other day, due to my night blindness, i banged into a metal pillar, i dropped my phone and a chunk came out of the side. loser much? lastly. ultimate. i messed up my Critique 3. i really did. first time i messed up something in my fyp. idk whats happening to me.

i need away.

dont stop. make it pop.

everything happens for a reason. you understand that right? the memories are beautiful. but. we just reached the point where we just cant fix things. it killed me. to think pray hope and then decide. but if we were meant to be, we will be. right? you've always been special. just know that.

giving me new life.

song post. i cant get this song out of my system. i listen to it on my ipod, before bed, its my alarm ringtone, i wake up listening to it. i travel listening to it. i sit quietly listening to this. Chester never fails to produce magic. this song is so beautiful, it makes my heart ache so much. knowing. just knowing. i really need to block everything out. focus. i dont/cant/wont feel fear. this near to Crit 3. i know its something i have to do. i'm behind time. and my mind. its just not. focusing. and i'm starting to get very pissed off at myself. one thing at a time okay? i know now. its time for me to focus. and do work. c'mon zan, you've never been so foolish. work is something i never play with. time to seek God and then do work. you gotta do this. you can do this. go go power rangers go!

this song is just magic. its not just hard rock anymore. its so beautiful.

"Give me a smile
Give me your name girl
Give me a sign to get my way
And get what I came for
Because you don't come easy

Give me your hand
Come walk with me girl
Nothing's that far when your near
So come even closer to me
Something so easy to do

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

Give me a smile
Give me your name girl
Let them know that you're mine
And I'll do the same for you
Because our love comes easy

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

And I fall into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper where all the pain goes

With a smile into the ocean
Inside of your arms
Taking me deeper giving me new life

You are my whole life
You are my whole life"

how to

give me a smile. give me your name. cos you dont come easy.

legodomo.

look familiar?

havent put this on for 4 years.feels fricking awesome to do so.

harow. i feel chippy and fuzzy. though i know that there is a possibility that i might get scolded tomorrow. er. idk. the night was fricking cold tho. the wind kept blowing and blowing. made me feel so sleepy. but my jacket kept me warm. yippee. love my new jacket. idk what is it with girls and septum piercings these days, but there was this fat chick with a septum piercing, staring at me like,"hell yeah i've got a piece of metal in my mouth, i'm SEXY." wellllllllll. not that the piercing is gonna add to her sexiness, but guess what? i have my septum done too, and i dont flaunt it like its the greatest thing that God created. you know what is? MACINTOSH. so grow up kiddo.

let there be silver lining.

星期六还得被师父骂也太悲惨了吧。

baddest thing around town.

today i will bore you with the boring day i had/am having. somedays i wake at 4am, somedays i wake at 1pm. today i did both. i have been working so much, i think my brains is on auto-pilot work mode. but i enjoy working alot. i think i would have whined about this before, i hate it when my mac lags. sucks like mad. thats why i think i take twice as long to complete what i have to do sometimes.

i am exactly 1 week away (maybe less) from Crit3. funny thing is i dont feel the least bit nervous. am i supposed to? it feels like the O levels all over again. i'm actually anticipating it instead.

i dont know. if i used to work at 100%, you've given me a motivation to work at 200%. work hard, play hard right? hahaha. i cant wait, really. i hope they do not extend FYP, so that it'll eat into CNY. nooooooo way man. its a sin to work during holidays.

*post ends abruptly*

cupid got you with his bow yet, baby?

twister fries. major loves. i know i have been AWOL for quite abit. but deadlines tomorrow and hello final crit next thurs. i have been doing so much work, i think i'm boggled eye. one thing is, i dont mind doing work work work. but my poor baby is lagging like mad. age is catching up on you. but dont die on me now okay? promise to buy you a brand new case and keyboard keys after fyp. only USD$100. okay back to work. dsfnsdlcndsbsdqwfjlq!

today, cant live for tomorrow.

happy new year boys and girls. i meant to log in an entry earlier, but i got distracted and you figure out the rest. well well well. i had an awesome first day of new year. and you, put a smile on my face, even up till this moment. i got to spend lucky day one of the new year with my driving instructor. and yay. he didnt hold back on the scolding. i went into the circuit. and durrrr get scolding lor. i mean its just the parking. he kept asking why do i have to do it so quickly blah blah blah blah then when i did it slowwwly, the stupid car ended up getting parked slanted =.= and idk la. used to think i'm an okay driver. but kfkdmxjfn!!! ah WTV LA. i dont believe i cant frigging do this. i know i can. seriously. its just driving.

went to visit sabrina, sao liang and kayden. kayden is sho kewt. cant believe sabrina has like a kid now. she was telling me. she was on the street after work and there was this old uncle, who went "tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk" at her, cos obviously she was pregnant. sabrina was so annoyed, cos she was like, "what, cant people have kids at a young age?" and went on to say "if my husband was with me, sure beat him up one what". well yeah i think he would. beat until the uncle tsk tsk tsk himself for being such an idiot.

but thank you for the unexpected. i just dunno what to say. i love warm cider. feels like you're drinking e33 cider, hot. and each time feels better than the last.

playing rock band. zomg. rock band has the best songs ever. the best combination ever, lego rock band. HAHAHA. dammit i just cant stop smiling. and i cant explain itttttttttttt. but who's complaining right? hahaha

you know, just when you feel like you're getting purged of the poison, you realize, you're having a fricking relapse.

"eh you know the army kind of jeep, can only go at 50km/h max la"

"eeyer no wonder everytime i drive behind those kind jeeps they go so slow"

"cos they actually have this meter thing, if you go too fast, then the thing will beep. and the meter will count how many times you go over the speed limit(50km/h), then when you hit like close to 9 or ten counts.."

"i know! the jeep will give the driver an electric shock!?"

=_=..

and it ends in hysterical laughter.

efficiency.

last post. last day of the year. yay. i am free!!

actions have words.

X12. thats how much more you mean to me i guess. i gotta really x the damn page.

$$ pls grow on trees.

i am *%^&#&$#@&!! broke. before and after of it, still broke. when will i break out of it and have an exceeding abundant supply of $$?

"damn broke can"

"sell backside"

"go die!!.."

and it just ends in hysterical laughter.

kinda busy.

dammit. yours look better than mine. *&^%$#@$% well. thats the beauty of giving. even if yours look like shit, deal with it. and the only part i could find, and order online, is only available in Hong Kong. so you know what? zan, deal with the shit looking thing. okay okay. this marks the start of the black lines being drawn.

clean slate.

days of not buying shoes, make up, snacks, clothes and such all boiled down to this. this very bit. i am no longer in debt.

throw your head back.

brandon flowers is really awesome :D the killers in SG next month, anybody? i just downloaded muse, the killers, dead by sunrise, and rage against the machines. freaking solid man. hahaha. okay isa and lyly broke up. kua kua kua. you dont have to be psychic to see that one coming. isa is pretty rich now, so girls get yourselves ready, the man is back in the game. he's getting a car soon, and spends like hundreds a night when he goes out. (thats what he's been telling me) so gold-diggers, show your claws. dig deep into the man. but he smokes like a train. so be prepared for passive smoking. ah i'm not doing so good myself either. idk where are we going really. neither of us seems to care anymore. so i guess, there are no brakes left. boys love girls who are low maintenance and low costing.